If you read this you've already read it.

It takes blood and guts to be this cool but i'm still just a cliché

2007-03-27T22:33:18Z

I deleted almost everyone from livejournal. If you read it I hope you enjoyed it. If you want to know the rest.. talk to me or read the book, have a good one :) x

Overdrive

2007-03-14T19:35:46Z

Holy Crap.. the last week.. what do I say?!

Friday: I remember going to work.. I had to clean up sick 3 times, and stayed 'til 3am without a break.. :(

Saturday: I went to the venue and got absolutely trollied for Maegan's birthday, kats birthday and chucky's bday. I didn't make it to the after party because my world was spinning :O

Sunday: I woke up without a hangover! Watched family guy and tidied up the garden! The wind blew my door shut and I was locked out of my bedroom again. Guy wouldn't answer his phone (my landlord) so I had to get the neighbours to lend me their ladder. I helped Katie make some posters, designed her t-shirts and made her a box to wear, (which subsequently haven't been used) and put up a massive poster for Sophie in our window. Also did some other things.

Monday: Stayed in bed til 4pm, rock on :D Met my presentation group for a bit of work. I worked in the evening, I had to clean the optics and it was very boring.

Tuesday: I got up and worked on my presentation all day, did the presentation, it went quite well considering we knew absolutely nothing. The presentation after kinda saved us, because it was 25 slides of solid text.. which bored everyone to shit fuckery, where as ours was some funny pictures and a little bit of text, I think the people in the class engaged the most in the subject out of any other.
I decided it would be a good idea to make a start on some essays so I wrote a detailed essay plan for each of my essays.

Wednesday: I got up at 9am, was on campus at 10am to campaign. It was really good and I had a lot of fun. I really am considering running for president next year with the tag line "Max-imize the union!" I had lecture in philosophies of art which was relevant for my essay and I learned a lot. I applied for the job of student supervisor in the venue, I was a bit rushed and didn't complete the application form, but I don't really care if I get the job, so am not bothered, better half in that not in at all, I already have a job and it's not the be all and end all.
I met Brittney and we went to town to Nero which was nice, we went to Tesco and I got the new Joss Stone and Lucie Silvas albums which are also very good! I am gonna chill tonight as I need the seminars tomorrow to write my essays and am going to be busy campaigning again!
Campaigning is really fun, and I meet so many people I know and get to know so many I don't, I think if I do run, helping a campaign or two this year has given me some really good experiences which will help me whatever I do :)

Before I forget..

2007-03-01T02:26:17Z

Well I don't usually update whilst at home in any detail, but so much is happening I thought I'd better!

Friday: Ok I already forgot. I worked at the Venue, that much I am sure of.

Saturday: Josie's Heaven and Hell party. I went dressed as an Angel, in pure white with angel wings painted around my eyes. Possibly wouldn't dress in white around drunkards (Sophie) with red wine again, but oh well ;) It was a fun night, I'd got there pretty early as I went with Tom to his girlfriend's house first as she lives opposite. (I know.. it's weird, we're getting on again!)
I managed to work myself through half a bucket of Pimms and lots of gin.. and other assorted alcohol. The actual party was cool, one room was hell and another was heaven, and there were relevant punches in each. I stayed mainly in heaven, and spent a lot of time on the upstairs landing for some reason. Finch was rather drunk and I escorted him home because he was being pukahontas and would not have survived otherwise. I didn't mind though because I'd exhausted the party of conversation and alcohol, I was at my limit, any more would have made me ill.

Sunday: I woke up with no hang over, as usual! I spent the day bumming around the house. In the evening I watched half of House of Wax with Sophie. It is fucking vile! We were screaming and hiding our eyes rather a lot. What can I say, never go camping in America! We then watched something a bit happier, heart breakers, with popcorn and tea :D

Monday: I went for coffee with Duffy at his lunchtime. It was quite nice :) I went for coffee with the LGBT crew afterward and poked around town for a bit, had fish and chips and then came home. I am in inquire again ^__^ although they referred to the LGBT as the LBGT which was a bit funny seeing as it is the front page piece. I went to work at Woody's in the evening. It was really busy as it is Varsity and Immortals week. The rugby girls lost 25-0 and the rugby boys won buy how much though I don't know, I think it was a lot. We also won tennis.. but that is in the future at this point.

Tuesday: I woke up super early and my dad drove down to collect me. I am now back in Tunbridge Wells!('Til Friday)
I played computer games for a bit, my mum came home and my sister my mum and myself sat in the kitchen chatting, I was on fire with my mad comedy skills :D My mum mentioned that she would pay for my holiday to new york this christmas as she is paying for my sister to go to new york for her school trip, but I don't want to accept all of it because I feel guilty! I like people spending money on me obviously, but I feel guilty because they could be spending it on themselves, I get empathic buyers remorse! I also feel guilty cos im gay and they will be disappointed and am therefore a waste of money. Argh.. stupid conscience.

Wednesday: I woke up early again, I went to JemJems house, I popped in to see Christina on my way, we are going for lunch and evening drinks tomorrow :) Jemma and I went around town doing errands and then went back to her flat where she and aj got high, I declined! We all drank spritzers and played singstar on their playstation, which is awesome! I left and came home, had Chinese and played more computer, I watched desperate housewives and grand designs with my mum and now I've just been on the computer again. I checked my results and philosophy of mind gave me a massive 75 for participation! WOO that is so much better than even my most generous estimates and puts my average up to a 56 for that module which brings my whole first term average up to 65 which puts me in a nice position for this term. If only I hadn't fucked up that test I might have got a first! Oh well, fuck it - shoulda woulda cudda! :D I am going to bed, good night!

maxalicious

2007-02-23T13:21:31Z

Hurrah I am myself again.. it's been so long..

Tuesday: I handed in an essay a day early and went to a seminar. I missed philosophy of language again. oops and watched Mean Girls instead. In the evening was Parkwood meeting, we had our photo taken and then I went to the LGBT film night, it was a poor turn out, about 5 people hehe, a new lesbian joined us and we watch Bring it on which was awesome, Vicky Helen and i sat singing along and doing the cheers.

Wednesday: I had an in class assignment for philosophy of art, I managed to write 5 and a half pages in one hour.. go team! I went to town with Vicky in the afternoon and we ate burger king, eugh! It wasnt actually that bad, but I went against my principles of eating no fast food! I guess eating it occasionally wont kill me.
In the evening I went to Vicky's and we dressed for the Glow stick party. We took a taxi from Eliot to Parkwood.. so. fucking. lazy. I didn't want to go alone because I suspect that they all dislike me for some reason. When we got there we applied more glowiness and went to the Venue. The night was awesome, I stopped drinking alcohol and started drinking coke and water instead, I danced like a proper lunatic and had so much fun! I also kissed jack, but he kisses everyone! ;)

Thursday: I spent the day being lazy. I met finch for lunch which was nice, it was nice to talk and not be moaning about a guy for once :D I started to watch Night of the Living Dead on my own, but had to stop half way through cos I was scared :D But also cos it violated the rules of zombies :| (A zombie wouldn't pick up a stone to break a window.) I watched Clueless, ate a fuck load of food and went to bed early. Hardcore.

WOOOOOO

2007-02-20T03:11:14Z

Ok a few things happened today, such as writing my essay and going to work.. but they are all totally eclipsed by one thing.

I TOLD HIM HOW I FELT.

OH MY GOD.. and it was like.. perfect timing, I feel so at one with the world, it feels like I came out to someone! There are so many things that have just lifted from my life.. I feel free!! Finally I can start being me again!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

He definitely doesn't love me.

tuethlas @ 2007-02-16T10:39:00

2007-02-16T10:53:56Z

sunday and monday are a bit of a blip, I forgot everything, Jess may have come over for tea and dinner at some point.. yes that was Sunday I think. I worked on monday as usual. I think I also went for coffee with Jess on monday to nero, some gays came and it was a nice chatty afternoon.

Tuesday: I went to my politics seminar but missed all of philosophy of language, I just didn't have the energy. I've been fighting an illness back this week with herbal tea, fruit juice and multivitamins. I am winning.. just. I went to parkwood committee meeting which seemed to go on forever, came home and watched legally blonde as a pickmeup. I also ate an entire tray of bakewell tarts again.. i'm gonna become diabetic if I keep this up.
I have been experimenting with natural ingredients for skin lotions. Tuesday night I tried olive oil on my face and in my hair. I woke up with a nice shiny glossy coat. This bitch is pedigree.

Wednesday: Valentines day! Well i'm sure you can guess I am still single for the 20th year. I wasn't as depressed as I was preparing for. Finchy came over and got drunk. We watched Stick it, which is like a gymntastic bring it on with hotter girls and less sassitude. (this girl was so stacked, she had muscles for armpits - hot as fuck though.) Finch fell asleep and I watched the sweetest thing, which I love. Finch then departed and I watched Dawn of the Dead with my housemates (the remake.) I experimented with more face stuff, this time I used an egg yolk, vinegar, lemon juice, brown sugar and honey. It was like a chemical peel, my face turned red, but when it calmed down it was alright, must have tightened my pores or something. I think olive oil on its own is ranking higher than that though at the moment.

Thursday: I missed my lecture despite getting up and dressed and being ready to go. I went to the seminars that day though. Sean sayers has learnt my name and is employing a system of vicimisation. No I do not have anything to contribute, I didn't read the reading entirely. I still, despite lack of any actual knowledge manage to argue for about 30 minutes, but I was warey because I knew he knew I didn't actually know anything. I then met Brittney and we went for coffee in nero which was cool, I had the chocolate cake decedance, and a cafe mocha with caramel. Heavenly.
I came home and went to sainsburys with sophie and managed to spend another £13 on crap. I got some Gin (Gin-eric Gin.. I am hilarious.) for the coach on Saturday. I then watched resident evil 2, I like zombie films, I think its the social reaction to an outbreak that fascinates me.

It's Finch!!

2007-02-11T20:53:19Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jt8Q7Fsa_Vs

ha ha.. If only it went true >_>

2007-02-06T19:28:23Z

Your Love Style is Manic

For you, love is the ultimate rollercoaster
And you love to hold on tight and enjoy the ride
Every time you fall in love, it feels like the first time
And while it's exciting and exhilarating...
It's also stressful and scary!

What's Your Love Style?

My hidden place

2007-01-15T23:26:55Z

Friday - I went shopping with Amanda during the day and did her hair. It looked very good :) I worked at la venoire, 9pm-3am, I was hoping to escape early, but staying wasn't entirely bad, I shouldn't have opened my mouth about covering Wenke's shift on Tuesday, but I guess the extra money wouldn't be entirely bad.

Saturday - Jacks party was the highlight I guess. Finch and Dimitri came over for pre-drinks which was fun. After deciding against dressing up as god I went as John Travolta from Grease. The party was ok but we were doing the same things all over again, I need variation in my life!

Sunday - I woke up at 3pm after staying up 'til 8am that morning playing computer games. I watched Transamerica, which was really good, it really opened my mind up even more, and was the type of film that appeals to me; other people dealing with life - it is fascinating. I also watched Hedwig and the Angry Inch which was also very good!

Monday - I somehow managed 11 hours of sleep. I went to town with Sophie and Amalina and bought some new shoes! I like them. I had coffee with Amalina and philosophoized about life. I saw life, past present and future as a corridor of clouds on sky blue which moved. There were doors and windows opening into other worlds with differnt things in them and people came into my life and left through the doors, which shaped my future. I thought about this because my ideals have changed slightly, and some people in my life that once had faces were now people I didn't know and people I hadn't met yet.
I also thought that if it were possible to have an arranged marriage I might have had one!
I worked for 1 hr 30 mins in woody's in the evening as it was quiet.
Today I ate 10 donuts and am therefore a big fat bucket fanny.

Enjoy reading about my life.. it is a pleasure living it for you :P

Back to basics

2007-01-07T23:44:42Z

We are a week into the new year and I am back in Canterburyland. I have had a tidy up of my room and it's looking quite good! I watched almost all of ugly betty, although the 10th episode finishes half way through - Argh! At first I thought i'd love it, then I got to episode 3 and I thought hmm.. maybe not.. then I watched more, and I am now officially hooked and a fan! I LOVE it!!

Last week, as usual nothing much happened. Nothing ever happens in Tunbridge Wells, so, on friday I went back to london and went to popstarz! I had a wicked time! It's a lot of fun just being a total loser.. although perhaps meowing and howling to the music at the rnb bar was pushing it.. (and I was sober.)

I love the city! When you're bored with london.. you're bored with life!

I am excited.. i'm looking forward to where my life is going, i'm on track! So far my grades this term have been better than last year, I have a plan and I have ambition, and damn it, I will succeed!

The last dance

2006-12-31T19:34:44Z

It's the depths of winter in my world, there are no leaves on the trees, the earth is cold and barren, the air is crisp and fresh. I know this sounds like a bleak picture to paint, but I don't find it depressing, it's nature stripped back to its core, biding it's time before it springs back into life. The year has come to its end, and I feel strangly calm. One by one each of the problems and masks i've encountered this year are evaporating.

Last night I went to london with phil and some of his girls. We drew quite a lot of attention due to phil being dressed as a mime, people kept photographing us haha. We spent a long time in Zoo Bar in leicster square, it was a little too straight for my liking, but it was cool to meet some new people :). We went on to give them a little taste of soho. We went to a bar called escape, the people in there were decaying efagies of gay people who never grew up. The girls seemed to have fun though. We went to g.a.y but didn't go in and instead walked claire and her new friend back to her house.

I'm not doing anything for new years other than have a meal cooked by my grandparents (who over the course of my absence seem to have fallen out with my mum) oh well, guess i'll have an early night.. I have a whole year to get ready for!!

Have a wonderful new year everyone, I hope it brings you everything you ever wanted and more, to the future! :) xxx

The closing of the doors

2006-12-30T12:06:45Z

Christmas ended nicely, we ate and played board games, I watched interview with a vampire at midnight. It seems to be a reoccuring theme that I watch a dvd to think of someone I miss as the clock strikes the end of christmas day, last year it was love actually and my housemates I missed, this year it was someone else.

Boxing day not a lot actually happened, I watched Over the Hedge and Chronicles of Nania and ate Turkey soup!

Wednesday, I went to london with my sister to watch Wicked. It was really good, I made us walk everywhere in london cos I prefer it to the tube if i'm not in a hurry (i'm a sucker for the architecture) Oxford street wasnt as rammed as I thought it would be, most of the sale stuff was shite though.

Thursday faded into the depths of time itself.

Friday I saw christina for the first time in ages! I missed that girl, we did lunch and wandered around the shops during her lunch break.

Things are changing and being resolved. My heart is closing up again! Damn, I don't even know what he did, he resonated through all my defenses the wiley bugger, perhaps not wanting to but soon it will be too late and they will re-aline and recode themselves!

Losing my ground

2006-12-07T15:25:51Z

I have a feeling my social stock is going down due to the boy sitaution that has been making me depressed. Plan is to get absolutely hammered tonight and be a complete whore bitch in order to drive it back up and make people love me again, that usually works.

This is nothing I can't handle. *grabs the vodka*

who moi? smiles innocently

2006-12-05T00:39:16Z

Tea and Toast

2006-12-02T02:07:36Z

I woke up early Friday to the sound of the doorbell. My housemates are so fucking lazy, only me and Sophie ever answer the door. It was for Tom.. it's never for us :(

I drew the duvet around closer and snuggled myself :( I got up as I wasn't feeling too lazy, made some toast and a cup of tea. I rushed up to campus to my seminar, although forgot my cd so I couldn't do any work. I collected an essay I was worried about, I was thinking the worst, that i'd failed, but I got 65 :D This was a much needed boost to my confidence!

At home I watched war of the worlds, played on the computer a bit, made dinner and went to K-Bar for the World Aids Day thing. It was crap, hardly anyone showed up, completely useless! Nevermind, Laura was more successful, I think a lot of money had been raised today.

I went to work, we had a stamp war and my arm is now black. I was let home early (woo hoo).

I came home, had tea and toast to finish the day, wrote my LJ and went to bed. :)

Until the seas run dry, til the world stops turning..

2006-12-01T00:53:56Z

It is December! Whats there to say? I was at a first aid introduction sesion today, I know how to put people into recovery positions, do CPR, stop bleeding/choking, and what to do in a heart attack/faint situation! Please nobody test me on any of it! I already think I got a cold sore from the damn RescusiAnn doll!

It was mostly the supervisors, other than myself and Amanda which was cool as we had a laugh! Afterward Amanda and I went to town to find clothes for her, we found her a nice pair of jeans and a jumper, and she looks a million times better, I am proud of myself!

I spent the rest of the evening inside, I watched Never Been Kissed with Sophie, it gave me hope that there will be happily ever after for me :)

In 24 days I am no longer a teenager. This time of year is usually so exciting for me but I feel so empty.

Lunch tomorrow?

Taking each day as it comes

2006-11-28T00:32:43Z

Urgh, I want the next few months to go by fast.

I met finchy for lunch, I bumped into nikos and he came too which was nice.

I handed in my work for political research and analysis.

I went home, feeling low. Jess came over and gave me a hug which was appreciated, we drank tea and talked.

I downloaded the new gwen stefani album, it's so bad I love it :D Wind it uppppp yodelidololiyoldolihoo

I went to work, I was quiet and meh, at the end I perked up a bit. Whilst cleaning the floor I managed to knock a jug of soda water all over the floor and myself.. so I was alllll wet.

Then when I left Tess and Martin I felt all sad again :( It feels like i've lost something good for no good reason :(

tuethlas @ 2006-11-23T01:46:00

2006-11-23T01:46:10Z

Monday: Guy came to check the house, he didn't notice the tile which was good. I worked at woody's, Sim made me do everything properly! Damn him, I had to scrub AND mob cos martin went home, usually we don't scrub. Damn and blast. But it was a good night, I had my review, things to improve on are learn to do shamrock on guinness, which I did 5 minutes after I set myself the challenge, and also learn how to spell Guinness, which I have also mastered.. Woo!

Tuesday: Jess and nikki came over and we revised for Philosophy of mind exam, which then went HORRIBLY, jesus, I dont think I knew the answer to ANY question, thank god it was multiple choice, at least there is a slim chance that I got enough right! After that I didn't feel much like going out so I watched Jerry Maquire and it made me cry.

Wednesday: I woke up late, talked to Justin in msn, went to Sainsburys with amanda, went to her house, went to westbar, then we went to Tesco and I went home. A bag of shopping for a fiver, i'm doing shopping late at night more often! Bargains!! I talked to Sophie and Amalina for a while when I got back, then went to play on computer and now bed. Simple.

tuethlas @ 2006-11-15T01:31:00

2006-11-15T01:31:11Z

How can one area of my life be so clear and stretch so far into the future, yet another be so confusing? I don't know what to do. I know what i've been told to do, but I don't want to do it!

tuethlas @ 2006-11-12T22:07:00

2006-11-12T22:07:50Z

The more I read about law the more I fall in love with it, not a single page I have turned has put me off, whats more I know I can do it. The only reason I put the book down is because I wanted to start my essays (which have to be in in a month) so I succeed!

Saturday Night Fever

2006-11-12T14:30:27Z

I think there is something inherantly wrong about a middle age man, shirt unbuttoned revealing a beer gut and bear hair singing along to Pink - U and UR Hand. "I'm not here for your entertainment?" Yeah mate, good luck with that one.

Girls and Boys was a bit dead last night, and I had a strange awakening, it was like in the summer when I deleted my gaydar account. I looked around, and all I could see were the same clichés, the same people, and it made me sad, but also happy that I could see this. If it hadn't have been for my friends i'd have probably left then, but I stayed and danced the night away which was fun.

James tried to dance with me, but I couldn't do anything. I didn't want to. I'd thought about having backup for when I get rejected, but I think it's time to make a leap of faith, everyone has to at some point. Even if I fall flat on my face it won't put me off, this is the start of something new and exciting!

I can't wait for friday!! :D

Friday feeling fine

2006-11-11T01:44:28Z

I was having a dream. It was a nice dream. Suddenly I had an overwhelming dread that I had forgotten to write an essay that had to be in by today. I somehow took charge of my dream and forced myself to wake up to check. It didn't have to be in until monday. Phew.

I checked the clock, 8am. After unsuccessful attempts to get back to sleep, I made a coffee and accepted that my day had started. I booted up my computer and settled down to play a game of lineage 2. An hour passed and a ring at the door, nay - a double ring, heralded the start of a good day. My new phone had arrived! It is similar to my old one, but I loved my old phone. This phone is different, it has a different smell and a different feel and I don't like the number (although I have memorized it already.) It feels a bit like replacing a dead pet without quite getting over the loss of the old one.

I got myself to campus and went to my computer terminal, I got a fair amount of the work down and went to meet finch for the first time in ages. I agreed with lucy that i'd go meet her too to collect my book so we went to mungoes. 2 productive hours passed and we sorted a few nights upcoming for lgbt and wrote the plan for the pantomime.. (it's sin-derella and i'm a bitchy ghetto sista.)

I collected lots of post for lgbt and almost died going down the hill with amanda on a bicycle that really wasn't made for two. It also turns out that I have next friday off.. woo hoo! London here I come. Only one thing could now make this perfect.

I got home and saw that I had a large package. 2 weights, which were surprisingly heavy. Now I can work out home stylé!

The rest of the day could have faded into oblivion after watching charlie and the chocolate factory with sophie if it hadn't have been for a powercut. Sophie and I chatted for a few hours, lit candles, and I started to read "Eats, Shoots and Leaves." The power came on and the lure of the computer was too much to resist, and here I now am. Feeling fine. :)

Another 3 little days

2006-11-10T01:37:33Z

Felt a bit mixed up these past few days.. then again hasnt everyone, we must be giving pheremones to each other cos we are all the same it seems!

Tuesday night I went to the Keynes Master's Thankyou buffet for freshers helpers which was cool, free drink, and food in the dolce vita. The drink was nice but the food was a bit suspect, it looked like fossilized quiche! I talked to sam about doing law for my life and she gave me some advice. I had to talk to the keynes master, he is friendly! :)

Wednesday I bought some books, I got philosophy of mind by kaegwon kim and Mao's last dancer - Li Cunxin, I havent started either yet, but look forward to reading them :) I dyed my hair, but it looks the same, at least it isnt ginger again! I didn't go to LGBT or the Joint JCC night. I needed a duvet day (night).

Thursday: I think the insurance people are going to give me a new phone, hurrah. In the evening I went to the KSCV awards night, I got my KSCV. I was late getting my hours in so didn't have time to do my 10 minute interview, but I will do it and then they said I'd get my Gold in May, so woopie! I stuck with sam again, free food was better, and free drink was better too :D We decided we would both go for the platinum kscv! It will mean a lot of work, but it will be worth it in the long run! :) I shook hands with the vice chancellor of kent uni! That was my brush with power ;)

Argh.. no work tomorrow.. I miss certain people who arnt in the country at the moment! </3

:)

2006-11-04T01:13:25Z

I'll take your breath away

2006-11-03T14:50:07Z

Wednesday: Someone stole my phone :( I reported it to the police so shud get a new one in a few weeks so don't bother ringing my old one, I disabled it. I went on a chatterbox night in the evening with big nikos, duncan, laurent, finch, dave and small nikos. I was a pie and ate a tray of chicken from asda!

Thursday: I got up at 9am and wrote an essay all day on Evaluate Taylor's arguments against neutralist liberalism, I managed 2200 words in the end, thanks to nikos for reading it and suggesting improvements. Next time I write an essay I think i'll read a book lol :/ I finished about 9pm and went to the venue for Tom's birthday. His friends are complete bastards and left him, so I felt bad for him. I had fun and met ems again, we danced like crazy monkeys :D I didn't stay too long tho and left about half 1. Last year I went to the venue about 4 times, this year i've been 3 times in the last week! (inc working).

Friday: Woke up at half 8am! Went to campus and printed my essay and handed it in, then went to town with sophie and had breakfast, quite a productive morning! :)

Im going home this weekend, see you on monday! :D x

Oh I spoke to justin again yesterday.. grr, he is so flirty, he talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk, it's tres annoying :(